Feeling these lyrics today. After a bum first week with online back to school, catching what I’m pretty sure was COVID and general shittiness, I’m ready to call a do-over to the first week of the year.
Favourite lyrics bolded.
Let’s Go.
Next Year – Macklemore and Ryan Lewis
Next year’s gonna be better than this year
Next year’s gonna be better than this ’cause
New Year’s Eve comin’ with a fresh kiss and
Next year’s gonna be better than this year
Next year’s my come up
I’ve been lackin’ but I can feel that it’s the one
All the last three-sixty-five-one sucked Like God group texted the world and dumped us
Bah, bah, bah, you better watch my bounce back
Imma be the man in here
Glass to the sky, like we tryna grab the chandelier I’d like to take this opportunity and toast to me For bein ‘exactly who I’m supposed to be ‘Cause life is gonna do what life does I don’t wanna look back and regret who I was
Let go of the expectations and then fire one
Forget the tally sheet before all my time’s up
And I know I gotta roll with it
I’m well aware the universe doesn’t owe me shit
I know that all of this pain leads to growth, I think
That next year’s gonna be better than this (let’s go)
I’m still an optimist, yeah
I got a lot to live on time
Ain’t foolin ‘that shit’
‘Cause next year’s gonna be better than, better than (go)
Next year’s gonna be better than this year (woo)
Next year’s gonna be better than this’ cause
New Year’s Eve comin ‘with a fresh kiss and
Next year’s gonna be better than this
I’m sick of missin’ out, sick of the fear and doubt
Imma get spiritual soon, live in the here and now
Alone in my room, but you gon ‘hear me loud
And clear, let’s start it at the top of the year
I want one last cigarette, one last sip of it
One last secret, one last little bit
One last upper, one last sedative
One last supper with the devil and his relatives And I was gonna change my ways I was just waitin ‘for that day to pull myself up out of that page
Run that route and make a play, so sick of sittin ‘on the bench
It’s finally to get in shape and livin ‘like a scrimmage
Thinkin’ that I’ll get another day now, no
I ain’t waitin’ for coach, marchin ‘band
Imma throw and parade in my zone, goddamn Man in the mirror finally got on, fuckin ‘next year
The time is now to press go and I’m gone
I’m still an optimist, yeah (uh-huh)
I got a lot to live on time (yes)
Ain’t foolin ‘that shit’
‘Cause next year’s gonna be better than, better than (go)
Next year’s gonna be better than this year (woo)
Next year’s gonna be better than this’ cause
New Year’s Eve comin ‘with a fresh kiss, yeah
Next year’s gonna be better than this (again)
Next year’s gonna be better than this year (woo)
Next year’s gonna be better than this’ cause
New Year’s Eve comin’ with a fresh kissand
Next year’s gonna be better than this
Let’s go
“Say it loud, say it clear. You can listen as well as you hear.”
The epic chorus from this power ballad by Mike + The Mechanics still hits after all these years.
Not a lot of subtext to uncover in this one, nor is there any huge backstory of which I was previously unaware. You can’t tell your dad the things you’ve wanted to tell him if he’s already passed on.
I grew up believing this. This song has always hit me right in the feels and I remember it being number one on the radio.
Maybe Mike Rutherford knows something I don’t. Maybe the messaging we are always fed through popular culture, that family is with you right to the end, and in the end, that’s all you have… that you need to treasure your family because regret will seep in when it’s too late… maybe these messages are true and real and maybe there are people who shake their heads at those who just won’t listen.
But I have developed another narrative, one that has made my life infinitely better over the past decade or so and, so far, zero regrets.
Maybe there is a line with family, and maybe, once crossed, you can never go back.
Maybe forgiving, even if you are not forgetting, opens a door behind which lies more hurt and disappointment.
Maybe instead of mourning the family you’ve lost, you make your own family out of the people who are actually positive influences in your life. Who you know will be there for you, thick or thin.
This song still hits me hard because I’m a sucker for a story steeped in nostalgia and the idea of a son living with that kind of regret is truly heart-breaking, but I no longer personally identify with the song, nor believe in its core message.
Sometimes, family goes too far and you are better off without them.
As it turns out, you can choose your family.
Let’s normalize that message.
* * * * *
Okay, whoa, touched a nerve there and that was not what I was really intending to write when I came to this song on my list, I was prepared to dig into the story behind the song as I usually do, but this is what came out.
Hard to lighten the mood of this post, it’s not a light song.
So let’s keep on emoting, shall we.
Check out these two reacting to all of the feels when they hear the song for the first time.
Pause at 2:32 when they both realize exactly what the song is about.
I’m not saying the message and the warning of future regret is not something people should hear… this is a powerful message and a powerful song delivering it.
All I’m saying is if that is not your story, that’s completely fine as well.
It is autumn and I am driving on a single-lane highway in the Ottawa valley heading home to the cottage after a day trip away. The leaves are triumphant and the mist in the air gives them an extra shine as the fading sunlight gives way to a sky darker blue.
Through the radio comes this song – “I Will Follow You Into The Dark” by Death Cab For Cutie – and the whole world just. stops. A freeze-frame of fall perfection and I slow my car to keep pace and I am now a living postcard filled with yellows, reds, oranges, still winds and tears.
There are many songs that take me back to a specific moment in time, but very few that consistently, every time I hear them, take me back to the moment I first heard them.
The song was recorded accidentally on purpose as during a break in recording, lead guitarist Chris Walla just started playing it and the mics were still running. The band quickly decided they liked the sound and set up immediately to record. It was in that moment of innocent strumming that the emotions the songs carry were born.
I’ve heard covers and other versions, but that original recording remains the most intense.
The song is beautifully simple and entirely complex; my mind doesn’t know what to do with the usually competing emotions of sadness and hope that, here, are intertwined effortlessly.
It played on the radio this morning and has stuck with me all day. That first listen on that autumn evening still came back to me but the song has been able to withstand the changes in my life since those times and now it is a new face and a new embrace that I picture every time this song comes on.
Here’s another version, live this time.
Love of mine
Someday you will die
But I’ll be close behind
I’ll follow you into the dark
No blinding light
Or tunnels, to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
[Chorus]
If Heaven and Hell decide that they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there’s no one beside you when your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark
In Catholic school, as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
I held my tongue as she told me, “Son
Fear is the heart of love,” so I never went back
[Chorus]
If Heaven and Hell decide that they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there’s no one beside you when your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark
You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It’s nothing to cry about
Cause we’ll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms
[Chorus]
If Heaven and Hell decide that they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there’s no one beside you when your soul embarks
This is a beautiful song, similar in tone to I Will Follow You Into The Dark but celebrating the opposite end of the circle of life. The video is a wistful, charming celebration of love that makes me tear up every time I see it. But then again, I can be a giant baby about such things. Let me know if it affects you the same way.
My time with my daughter is the most precious thing I have in the whole world.
I made the very right decision to divorce her mother almost exactly three years ago – June 1st, 2013. The time since has been extremely amicable and we actually get along better now than we did in the time leading up to the divorce, largely because we both remain focused on doing whatever is best for our little girl.
Those strangers who enter into your lives while you go through the process of divorce – lawyers, clerks, bankers – have all commented on our particular divorce in a favourable way. Even our mechanic, who we both continue to use, can’t help but comment whenever he sees me how happy he is that we both seem to have found happiness apart from each other and actually tells me how he tells other people about us and our story and how a divorce can actually work out. It’s all very humbling to hear and it makes me feel good that our efforts are noticed; while we may sometimes find frustration, we are quick to regroup and get back on track and provide the best example for our daughter that we can.
Our custody schedule is a 2-3-2 schedule, meaning that’s how many nights we have her in a row before the other has her, and it has been working well. It means that each week I have her for different nights in the week, allowing for alternating weekends and for us both to participate and bring her to swimming lessons or gymnastics classes on alternating weeks.
In my line of work I travel a lot and so the 2-3-2 has been out of whack in recent weeks, with me either being out of town for slightly longer stretches or being in town and having my daughter for slightly longer stretches. As any parent can attest, especially a single parent… man, sometimes we just need a break. As much as we love spending time with our kids, putting them down early one night can just be a god-send. I’m lucky in that I have breaks like this built into my custody schedule and, as much as I miss her when I don’t have her, it is nice to have that adult time to regroup and get some sanity back before another stretch of being the single parent. It’s been a balancing act the last three years but one I think I’ve come to have a solid amount of control over.
There is a lot of pressure on both parent and child when you only see you child half the time. The parent wants to make sure that their time with their child is perfect. This doesn’t mean showering with gifts or letting them have their own way – believe me, there are fairly strict rules and consequences in my house – but you work hard to try and build your own consistency in the half of their life that you have control over. This is how meals go… chores and expectations are this… this is the reward for that and that is the punishment for this… a consistency meant to help ensure that we don’t waste any of the time we have together squabbling or having to deal with the shitty part of being a parent – the tantrum.
And for the most part we do okay.
And then there are nights like tonight.
This weekend I had a fantastic weekend with my daughter – we did crafts yesterday morning, had a friend’s birthday party yesterday, she went for a bike ride to the playground last night, this afternoon we had a brilliant and sunny walk through a local street festival filled with lots of treats followed by a two hour nap followed by another party at a friend’s house. A busy weekend and when we both got home today we were tired and when given the choice of more crafts or some TV, I allowed for some screen time – something she is not allowed Monday to Thursday and is reserved as a weekend treat.
Well when it was time to shut the TV off we hit MELTDOWN city. Full on stomping, crossed arms, FUMING mad and then when the STERN voice came out, full on tears, non-stop, for close to half an hour.
I am big on apologies and I don’t rush them, but they need to happen and tonight that took a while. And when it finally came we were able to move forward with the calming down process in the evening.
During the meltdown I made a simple threat of punishment that I didn’t realize would have the impact that it did. In frustration I told her she was going to go straight to bed, no lullabies.
That set her off even more.
My daughter is going to be six in just a couple of months and while tonight it led to tears, I’m happy at how important the consistency of our routine and the sanctity that is our time together, at the end of each day when I sing anywhere from one to five lullabies (depending on how good her negotiating skills are in the moment), is to her.
After she apologized – the most sincere and heartfelt thing you’ve ever seen – I caved and we snuggled and I sang her the lullabye I’ve been singing to her since she was a newborn, rocking her to sleep in the crook of my arm. It’s one of her favourites and it’s one that I wrote for her… it’s a simple, haunting tune that can be repeated for as long as it takes her to fall asleep.
The music notes to the lullabye will be tattooed on me at some point; I’ve finally decided on something important enough that I would have on me for the rest of my life, and after an evening full of tears and grief, that simple lullabye centred us both, relaxed us both and it let her drift off into a happy sleep where she knows she is loved and cared for.
* * * * *
As evidence by the extremely long lead-in to this post, I’m still working through how to do this parent thing part-time, and sometimes these moments hit me harder than others.
My time with my daughter is the most precious thing I have in the whole world and I want her time with me to be remembered as happy times filled with music, laughter and love.
Our bedtimes are important to me and sometimes, if she’s willing to play along, I record these Bedtime Interviews that I share on my Facebook. Here’s one from last December to sort of show what the last minutes of our days are like…
When we are not interviewing, we read stories and we sing lullabies and one of the lullabies that I have butchered in the past with my daughter is “Goodnight My Angel” by Billy Joel. It’s a beautiful song that I have only half-remembered the lyrics to and have tried to sing to my daughter on occasion. As one of the goals of this website is to help me discover new things about the music that has made up my life until now, I thought I’d do a bit of research around the song.
There isn’t much to tell that I didn’t already know; this is a song that Billy Joel wrote for his young daughter and was originally intended to be a prelude to the title track on “River Of Dreams“, his final album, but revisiting the lyrics of this song tonight has resonated with me more deeply than upon any other listening.
I’m going to learn these lyrics properly and work them into our bedtime lullabies often enough so that we get to the point where she can whisper along to my singing.
I want my daughter to know that, no matter what happens to her in life, her daddy will always be there at the end of the day and if he’s not physically there, he will always be in her heart.
I want my daughter to know that, above anything else in this world, I am working SO hard to give her the most magical life I can.
My time with my daughter is the most precious thing I have in the whole world and I want her to finish more of her days thinking these thoughts and dreaming happy dreams knowing how important she is to me and how much she is loved.
Goodnight my angel, time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you’ve been asking me
I think you know what I’ve been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
Then you should always know
Wherever you may go, no matter where you are
I never will be far away
Goodnight my angel, now it’s time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean
I’m rocking you to sleep
The water’s dark and deep, inside this ancient heart
You’ll always be a part of me
Goodnight my angel, now it’s time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child may cry, and if you sing this lullaby
Then in your heart there will always be a part of me
Someday we’ll all be gone
But lullabies go on and on
They never die
That’s how you and I will be
It has been BUSY this past month with potential new jobs and a definite new place to live that we move into next week… funny how life creeps up on you all at once sometimes.
Tonight I get to see Frank Turner at the Danforth Music Hall and I am excited. I have never seen Turner live before and really only got turned onto him a couple of years ago. Having missed him at the Horseshoe almost exactly a year ago, tonight’s show has been a long time coming.
This post is not so much about him – that would be longer than I have time to write about right now – but rather about the lyrics of one of his lesser-played-on-the-radio songs, “I Knew Prufrock Before He Got Famous”.
This song is absolute genius to me. When I first heard this a few years ago I listened to it non-stop and watched the video over and over as well. This song is music about musicians and, like books about writers, or musicals about playwrights, or even movies about authors for that matter, art about art or artists is at the top of my list when it comes to subject matter.
Friends in bands (hmmm… “Friends In Bands” filed away as a potential future band name for myself… I can already picture the FIB logo in FBI font… yellow on dark blue… but I digress…) is a thing. Throughout my life I have had friends in bands and some have actually reached a modicum of success as well, breaking through the noise, earning airplay and playing to audiences mostly comprised of people I did not even know!
Prufrock brings me into Frank’s world and it makes me feel like I’m a part of his gang. The lyrics walk you through all his mates and the video shows them off in all their small-stage, pub-playing glory. The sense of nostalgia for a time and place I didn’t directly participate in (fauxstalgia?) that this song and video evoke is very strong: I watch this and I feel like I remember being in my 20’s in England.
The lyrics only get better from there when Turner takes the stage. If you don’t know the song, have a listen before I say any more.
I STILL get goose bumps at this verse towards the end… the crescendo, the emotion, the meaning and the simplicity… it’s definitely in my top five lyrics of all time:
Life is about love, last minutes and lost evenings,
about fire in our bellies and furtive little feelings,
and the aching amplitudes that set our needles all a-flickering,
and help us with remembering that the only thing that’s left to do is live
And then…
And then…
I know… I don’t even want to say it… don’t even want to type it or admit it about a song I love so much…
And then, the last part of the song just thwumps down on your ears and it’s over.
Maybe it’s a simple call to drink (which I am all in favour for in song) and embracing the simple life over fame and fortune, or maybe the form is meant to embody the spirit of the song itself, telling of those who are just on the cusp of being great but never quite really make it… whatever the reason, the song just dies in the last few bars and therein lies my frustration.
This is a great song that makes you care about the characters, that easily and simply brings you into their world, building and creating expectations for greatness, only to deflate it all in an ending that is just too simple.
The fact that I firmly believe this ending needs to be rewritten while at the same time counting the song amongst my favourite songs of the last few years shows how strong the rest of the song is.
Hoping it makes the setlist tonight and yes, from what I’ve read about Turner live, I’ll probably get sucked into a sense of community and sing along proudly that we should all get another round in at the bar, but that still won’t mean I think it’s a good ending.
Or maybe, after seeing him live, I’ll be the one to change my tune.
Further Reading – The Meanings Behind The Lyrics
I love the genius behind genius.com. Check out this post on the song and click on the lyrics to get all the references; particularly helpful and interesting as Frank sings through the list of all his friends to get their back stories as well.
